The owl I wish I was.

I wonder if someday you will figure out why I did this. I wonder if you will understand how you made me feel, and the meaning that I had in being so above you. I wonder if you won't see it as 'leaving the nest' but more of a good bye. Because I do want to leave.
It's a decision made.
It is always this way with me. Think about it, last year around this same time, same planning of a trip, same moving on. I am ready to leave this behind. I don't want to stand here and be on the side. Maybe I was just not meant to be in groups. But I have to wonder is it about me? Why is it that I seem to not expect anything, except to be appreciated, but now I needed so much more. I wonder if it was my fault for saying otherwise, and making you believe that you didn't have to be a friend. At the same time though, I don't believe that you can choose when you want to be a friend.
However, any one of you, few that you are though, would tell me that for me to hold a friendship, I need to have the upper hand or something of that sort. That I need to be needed. And I guess that's right. But that doesn't mean that I hold myself to a higher standard, or does it? Maybe I just don't like feeling thrown away?
I feel like it was just so many things at once. It all added up again and I just want to be done. I hate the hectic feeling I get when I am in this type of situation and I just prefer to let go. It wasn't a "leaving the nest," it was a good-bye. I just want to leave it behind. Leave them into memories that I seem to love so damn much.

I don't think you will ever understand.