Sometimes when I am listening to someone else's poems, I stumble over a line and after a blank moment, I remember. A memory of you and I rushes to the front of my mind. A faded memory that quickly turns into a memory of how you and I, left us behind. All of this just so that we'd end up in bed with another faded mirror memory.
In that last line, I pause and remember that night we slow danced in the darkness of your room. I remember leaving the party early to stand next to the door, while you rushed to turn on the Marvin Gaye song. You came back towards me, turned off the lights and grabbed me. Our steps weren't quite right for the dance, but I let that go, I let you lead and thought, please, make it work. All of this just so that we'd end up in bed with another faded mirror memory.
In that last line, I pause and remember the reflection of us brushing our teeth together at the exact same time. At the exact same time so I wouldn't have to be alone in the bathroom of your place. At the exact same time so I could peek at us in the mirror, while I pretend to care about the hygiene. I remember seeing how well our skins go together. I remember seeing how well our heights go together. I remember seeing how very well our images looked next to each other.All of this just so that we'd end up in bed with another faded mirror memory.
I remember timing the minutes I spent on my teeth, so you wouldn't think it was too little a time. I remember timing that moment wishing we would stand there together forever, creating the image of that couple living inside that mirror. I remember wishing I could peek at them, that perfect image of us, forever. And I would not have to imagine it again, because they'd be there inside the mirror, while I forgot what we looked like to eyes of the other. I could see it in the mirror every time. I would keep that couple inside the mirror now and every time. I remember them in that last line and I pause, and remember that wish;All of this just so that we'd end up in bed with another faded mirror memory.
I wish, still, that I could have kept them at least only there, inside that mirror. Then in that last line of someone else's poem I wouldn't have to stumble. I wouldn't have to pause and I wouldn't have to remember how you and I, let us, let them, let that mirror, go. All of this just so that we'd end up in bed with another faded mirror memory.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
I guess that's what happens when you've been here for too long.
So I wanted to speak with Liz. Below is what I came up with.
5:26:41 PM Juanita Monsalve: Hey
5:26:42 PM letterstovogue (Autoreply): (idle)
5:26:46 PM Juanita Monsalve: I really really miss you.
5:26:52 PM Juanita Monsalve: But I refuse to call you.
5:26:58 PM Juanita Monsalve: Because I have come to hate tphone.
5:27:00 PM Juanita Monsalve: *the
5:27:28 PM Juanita Monsalve: Yet, I am now realizing that I have no other way of coming in contact with you.
5:27:56 PM Juanita Monsalve: I wish there was some other way. You know like the communication we used to have before. I just refuse to use the phone.
5:28:56 PM Juanita Monsalve: And, by I refuse to use the phone, I don't only mean that I refuse to call you. I mean I refuse to answer anyone's calls as well.
5:30:41 PM Juanita Monsalve: Calling is such a hassle. And the conversation is just not the same. I can barely hear people and I can barely concentrate on what they are saying. This is not to mention that I just cannot give you my juiciest life details and secrets over the phone. This is not because I don't want to, but simply because there is something impeding them from coming out. It's like they become gay and locked in a closet.
5:31:33 PM Juanita Monsalve: I hate the phone. But I miss you so much. Come back to me like it used to be. I think I have always hated the phone. I used to hate those long conversations we had. I also used to hate it when you called because you were so bored you had nothing else to do.
5:34:33 PM Juanita Monsalve: I remember telling you that I had to go, just so I wouldn't have to go through the pain. Somehow I can stand the pain of knowing you when I see you, but not on the phone. Maybe it has to do with seeing your face and feeling the pity I feel for myself knowing that I need to be your friend, because that's just how things work. Maybe that appeal of your face is not there over the phone. I hate that I always have to skip over Billy Idol like crazy, when my itunes is on random. I officially hate him but I am stuck having all of his songs.
5:35:45 PM Juanita Monsalve: I should be reading right now, but instead I've decided to have a conversation with you the way I would like conversations to be on the phone: just me talking and disregarding your answers to continue with my tale. That's exactly the way it is when we speak in person, and how I wish it would work over the phone. It doesn't work that way.
5:36:58 PM Juanita Monsalve: I don't really know much about what's going on in your life right now. I will blame this fact on the phone as well. Why is it that in our society of constant 'improvement' we couldn't have invented a form of communication that was at least a little less annoying than the phone?
5:37:05 PM Juanita Monsalve: Any other form.
5:38:43 PM Juanita Monsalve: I also wish we could have time for each other. But another fact in our story, is that we barely belong in each other's worlds now. We aren't immediate images of daily turmoil, like we used to be. We used to be the wallpaper of each other's wall that we saw as soon as we opened out eyes. And now, we barely exist in each other's life.
5:38:59 PM Juanita Monsalve: I won't see you in Germany.
5:39:14 PM Juanita Monsalve: I will be going for the fall and will probably be back for the spring.
5:40:48 PM Juanita Monsalve: I don't even know your friend's names or whether I might approve -because I often don't approve, specially of other friends who are girls. I don't know what your major is, although I doubt you know for sure. I don't know what your future plans are. I don't know whom you are totally in love with right now. I don't know your clothes or haircut anymore.
5:43:00 PM Juanita Monsalve: Things have changed do much that now when I think that if we truly had triumphs, we wouldn't feel the ultimate friend sympathy of happiness. I think we might feel the jealousy of people, who barely know each other.
5:43:00 PM letterstovogue (Autoreply): (idle)
5:45:11 PM Juanita Monsalve: I guess I am done whining about our lack of communication. I'm sure you aren't too worried about it. Since you are surrounded by various people whom you like and who measure up to your taste. You know already that's not the case for me.
5:47:10 PM Juanita Monsalve: In any case, just pick up the phone and give me the call. I give up. I don't have any other way to communicate with you. I hate the phone, so call me.
5:26:42 PM letterstovogue (Autoreply): (idle)
5:26:46 PM Juanita Monsalve: I really really miss you.
5:26:52 PM Juanita Monsalve: But I refuse to call you.
5:26:58 PM Juanita Monsalve: Because I have come to hate tphone.
5:27:00 PM Juanita Monsalve: *the
5:27:28 PM Juanita Monsalve: Yet, I am now realizing that I have no other way of coming in contact with you.
5:27:56 PM Juanita Monsalve: I wish there was some other way. You know like the communication we used to have before. I just refuse to use the phone.
5:28:56 PM Juanita Monsalve: And, by I refuse to use the phone, I don't only mean that I refuse to call you. I mean I refuse to answer anyone's calls as well.
5:30:41 PM Juanita Monsalve: Calling is such a hassle. And the conversation is just not the same. I can barely hear people and I can barely concentrate on what they are saying. This is not to mention that I just cannot give you my juiciest life details and secrets over the phone. This is not because I don't want to, but simply because there is something impeding them from coming out. It's like they become gay and locked in a closet.
5:31:33 PM Juanita Monsalve: I hate the phone. But I miss you so much. Come back to me like it used to be. I think I have always hated the phone. I used to hate those long conversations we had. I also used to hate it when you called because you were so bored you had nothing else to do.
5:34:33 PM Juanita Monsalve: I remember telling you that I had to go, just so I wouldn't have to go through the pain. Somehow I can stand the pain of knowing you when I see you, but not on the phone. Maybe it has to do with seeing your face and feeling the pity I feel for myself knowing that I need to be your friend, because that's just how things work. Maybe that appeal of your face is not there over the phone. I hate that I always have to skip over Billy Idol like crazy, when my itunes is on random. I officially hate him but I am stuck having all of his songs.
5:35:45 PM Juanita Monsalve: I should be reading right now, but instead I've decided to have a conversation with you the way I would like conversations to be on the phone: just me talking and disregarding your answers to continue with my tale. That's exactly the way it is when we speak in person, and how I wish it would work over the phone. It doesn't work that way.
5:36:58 PM Juanita Monsalve: I don't really know much about what's going on in your life right now. I will blame this fact on the phone as well. Why is it that in our society of constant 'improvement' we couldn't have invented a form of communication that was at least a little less annoying than the phone?
5:37:05 PM Juanita Monsalve: Any other form.
5:38:43 PM Juanita Monsalve: I also wish we could have time for each other. But another fact in our story, is that we barely belong in each other's worlds now. We aren't immediate images of daily turmoil, like we used to be. We used to be the wallpaper of each other's wall that we saw as soon as we opened out eyes. And now, we barely exist in each other's life.
5:38:59 PM Juanita Monsalve: I won't see you in Germany.
5:39:14 PM Juanita Monsalve: I will be going for the fall and will probably be back for the spring.
5:40:48 PM Juanita Monsalve: I don't even know your friend's names or whether I might approve -because I often don't approve, specially of other friends who are girls. I don't know what your major is, although I doubt you know for sure. I don't know what your future plans are. I don't know whom you are totally in love with right now. I don't know your clothes or haircut anymore.
5:43:00 PM Juanita Monsalve: Things have changed do much that now when I think that if we truly had triumphs, we wouldn't feel the ultimate friend sympathy of happiness. I think we might feel the jealousy of people, who barely know each other.
5:43:00 PM letterstovogue (Autoreply): (idle)
5:45:11 PM Juanita Monsalve: I guess I am done whining about our lack of communication. I'm sure you aren't too worried about it. Since you are surrounded by various people whom you like and who measure up to your taste. You know already that's not the case for me.
5:47:10 PM Juanita Monsalve: In any case, just pick up the phone and give me the call. I give up. I don't have any other way to communicate with you. I hate the phone, so call me.
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